Day Eleven at @BrushCreekArts

Yes, it's quite sad. I am nearing the end of another two week residency. Time flies much too fast for my taste and I've bonded with these amazingly talented and kind artists. It's weird being here for only two weeks while the others will stay on for another 10 days and other residents will fill in the space left by me and one of the composers/performers when we depart on May 20th. * sigh * Well, as I mentioned before I had nine things (9 points) I wanted to get done while here. And progress has been good. I have focused on one item a day for the most part, a couple extending to two days. My mornings have been more about sleeping late, going to the fitness center with one of the other residents, and/or hanging out. Initially I got work done in the mornings but that has transcended more to the afternoons mostly.

What I find funny is that I can get enough of what I need done in a few hours here with no other disruptions. But at home I have to set aside a whole day for myself to write. No hanging out or freelance work or anything else can interrupt that time at home. But here I can accomplish a good amount in 3-4 hours. Crazy.

It's funny the divide here. At Jentel everyone was so focused everyday it was like we went to work from 9a-5p and that was our routine. At Ragdale many tried the same thing but for some of us we got wrapped up in convo for hours during breakfast and/or lunch and after dinner. Here there are several of us who get work done on our own clock and that can be late at night or early in the morning or in the afternoon. I find that in the evening I am spent and may just talk to other artists over a drink or camp fire.

So how's it been here at Brush Creek? The weather has been chilly and warm. This past week was more warm than anything but changed on a dime once hump day came along.

Much like Jentel Presents Brush Creek also has a reading/presentation with the visiting artists. This happened on Tuesday night at the Saratoga Community Center and was super cool. Those that visited were very attentive and kind and turns out that Saratoga/Laramie has a booming artist community. They were sweet and kind and spoke with us at length about what they're working on being excited to meet other artists outside of WY. I was invited to one of the local writing groups that meet every other week and sadly had to decline since I'm leaving soon. The whole presentation enforces the idea of artists helping other artists and really encourages them to pursue it. An older man had told me that while criticism could hurt it was helpful and I couldn't agree more.

What else can I say? The food is mighty lackluster here. We get fed by the chefs at the Brush Creek Lodge and it has been lots of carbo loading thus far. The desserts we got, which seemed an after thought, were not that great as well. And y'alls know I am picky. I have baked two desserts for the residents which was much appreciated and the elevation didn't alter them, which is why I specifically chose to make snickerdoodles and dulce de leche chocolate bread pudding since I knew I wouldn't have to worry about whether they rose or not. I may make one last item before I go. And it's super nice to bake for people who appreciate it so I'm glad to do so for the residents, especially since the rest of the food we've been getting "lacks love" as one of the residents mentioned.

However, as soon as I started baking (and guests arrived at Brush Creek Lodge) don't you know we got a several layer chocolate cake (super light in texture but super rich in taste) red velvet cake (with buttercream icing not cream cheese), and a rhubarb/strawberry tart (with a heavy dough crust that needed more butter). The treats were fine but if you've had some of the highest class desserts in the world they just don't compare. Yet, it was a nice treat to get.

The new director of Brush Creek Arts Foundation, Sara, is awesome. She's vibrant, friendly, efficient, and just plain cool. Love her to death and am glad I got to meet her before I left. She seems like she's really going to re-establish good relationships here at Brush Creek and make it a bigger part of the Lodge and get better food!

Outside of working and chatting it up not much else to report really. Two of the visual artists and myself have become addicted to the game room and playing Horse, Hoop Fever, NFL 2-Minute Drills, Ping Pong, and Buck Hunt. The games are free in the game room so you can play as much as you want and there's complimentary Gatorade/bottled water. Awesome.

Needless to say, I'm going to miss it when I'm gone for sure and am looking forward to keeping in touch with these artists and learning more about what they do and where their projects go.

So, with that I'll end with lots of pictures!

Jentel Artist Residency: Week 3 (Winding down)

While the first several days (week and a half) brought a flurry of inspiration, the tail end of week 2 and beginning of week 3 brought some serious winding down in terms of productivity and confidence on my part. In speaking with one of the other visual artists she also said that she was upset with herself for not producing as much as she wanted to in a month's time and that in reflection she needed to be easier on herself because of the fact that inspiration can't be commanded on a whim. In my case I was on a roll and found myself in slump. Said slump consisted of me typing up things and immediately hating what it was I was scribing but pushed myself to keep going, and at some point I just couldn't. At various moments I stopped and this is when Facebook and Twitter and the schedule for Book Expo along with work for my job came into play to distract me from the creativity that just wasn't flowing.

On top of which the end of the week brought a rejection from the only lit mag I queried about a flash fiction piece I'd been working on for over three year.! Yes, less than 1000 words worked on and edited and nitpicked for 3 years + (it happens). I got a one sentence reason for the rejection which I took to heart and am currently editing this piece again for mass submission this summer.

Other things catering to said slump may be the feeling of cabin fever (as beautiful as the residence and locale are sometimes you just need to get away) or the reality of time clicking away at a steady pace (What day is it? Friday! Crap.).

Yes, slumps happen to all artists. The residents here have all had those moments or are currently in the midst of them in some way and believe-you-me we are none too happy about having to leave said paradise and go back to our day-to-day lives where some of us just don't have the luxury to create full-time. The insecurity has bound in and I'm coming off the high of March into May with reality slapping me in the face again. The reality of wondering if your tale has a place in the growing African-American diaspora let alone the literary canon. The reality of wondering if you'll ever truly be done. And of course the reality of wondering if you're even good enough.  I was just reading Megan (aka Writer Girl's) blog about giving over her first draft to loved ones to read. Just a few months ago I posted about not believe in my NYC Midnight submission. And of course I see Twitter updates from writers grinning and baring it and plugging away and asking for good vibes and sugar sent their way so they can keep going. There are days when you feel you are just producing crap and to do so at a residency may feel like a waste, but it has to happen. It's going to happen, so you just have to deal with it. I produce stuff I am none too happy about at home in NYC all the time, so why not in Wyoming too? And maybe now's a good time to take Lynn's advice to heart and take a break from producing and just focus on moi.

Friday brought a nice trip to Ucross, another residency several miles away from Jentel that has hosted some big name writers like Heidi Durrow, Colson Whitehead, Sigrid Nunez (a former instructor of mine at The New School), Elizabeth Gilbert, Junot Diaz, and Wyoming's own E. Annie Proulx! I was so excited I had to tweet the authors I follow on Twitter and let her know I saw her work there. Turns out Ms. Durrow was not only a resident at Ucross (and Hedgebrook and Norman Mailer and Vermont Studio Center; yes, she's my idol!) but she said she found her voice here at Jentel. Amazing! Three of the visual artists and myself went to see the Ucross gallery celebrating 27 years of artist residents and saw some amazing work. Joyce and I were particularly blown away by the coloring and such for this piece:

And this was another favorite by the Ucross alumi:

If you're near Banner or Clearmont, WY I strongly urge you to stop in. I believe this particular showing is going on until June 1st.

As the days go on and we continue to experience cold, hot, warm, cold, chilly, snowy weather we also prepared for Jentel Presents! This is the time when us residents get to show our work to people in the community. And Lynn informed us that this presentation has also become mandatory for college students both in art and creative writing. Like I did at an Inspired Word NYC open mic I decided to read my flash fiction. I'm trying to stay away from reading aloud too much from the collection as I feel I've exhausted the strongest bits by reading to the residents and sending out to residencies these past few months. Though I am proud of what I've done here (some of it, well most of it) flash fiction tends to be a great thing to read because you can actually complete something and provide the reader something to mull over afterwards.

Everyone did an extraordinary job in presenting and talking about their work. For the artists, Lisa, Joyce, Rachel, and Karen it felt like I was being re-introduced to their work as we heard more about their process even though I had seen some of it before. Seeing them stand up tall and talk about it so confidently in front of a crowd was amazing and gives you a sense of pride in sharing space and time with such amazing artists. Lorraine read one of her favorite portions to write from her novel-in-progress and it definitely showed in her reading it. It was vibrant and the characters well constructed. She has a great reading voice.

After the presentations were over we got to speak with some of the people who attended, full house as you can see from the picture above. I spoke briefly with a poet who asked me why I felt insecure (something I mentioned before reading noting that while I'm in love with my collection I have bouts of sadness at the prospect of not finishing) and I told him the truth, just a few days earlier I had been blocked. He said he was going through the same thing. He's in the midst of writing something about his father and was going to do a series of poems but realized the structure may be better as one poem with four sections. I commiserated, informing him I think I just got an idea on the structure of one of the stories for my collection that morning and it'd been something I'd been thinking about for years since it's part of the crux or linchpin of the stories involved. I wished him good luck with his current block and we agreed that we'd get back to things when it was meant to be. We just had to be patient, though that can be hard.

We ended up having dinner with some local artists, Randy one of the heads of Sagebrush was such a pleasure to speak to as were Joel (another artist) and Sarah a teacher who is trying to find time to write while raising a family and working a full-time job. Everyone was friendly and the food at the Pony Bar & Grill was ridiculously large in size. All in all a great night.

We're headed out at the latter part of this week and working hard as we get to the last week and preparing to depart and get back to our real lives. *le sigh*

On another upbeat note,  my flash fiction piece, "The Resolution" has pubbed in the latest issue of Eclectic Flash. On top of that, Joyce made huge cookies! So after the end of a bad week looks like this week is progressing to end well.