Could you be "The Next Food Network" Star?

For the past two seasons my husband and I have been addicted to the reality show The Next Food Network Star airing, of course, on Food Network.

Now in its fifth season The Next Food Network Star has produced new Food Network shows, some memorable personalities, and many non-memorable ones.

While watching a cooking show or a food travel show, like Road Tasted with...[insert Food Network personality here], I figured it couldn't be that that hard to host a show on the network that's steadily grown and whose only focus is something we all have in common...food. I could be bubbly, humorous, quirky, extroverted, and any other adjective synonymous with out-going and likable. I could eat dish upon dish of food and explain how good it tastes. I could give people tips for how to eat on a budget. Forty dollars a day! That's easy! Having spent no more than $10 a day on food most days, I placed my fingers in a pyramid of evil and seethed that Rachel Ray could eat-my-dust.

I think many people look at or read or hear something and think to themselves: I could do better than that! Without the complete understanding of how much work and know-how (in most cases) goes into any art form. No, one doesn't have to go to the Culinary Institute to know how to make succulent chicken or moist cakes (look at FN stars Rachel Ray, Sandra Lee, Ina Garten, Paula Deen, or newest member of the FN family Aaron McCargo Jr.). Of course it doesn't hurt (see Bobby Flay, Cat Cora, or Giada DeLaurentiis). But one does need something, a certain je ne sais quoi to make the art of cooking interesting and enjoyable for those of us watching. For the host it may be work, but for the viewer it has to be entertainment and being informative couldn't hurt either.

For those of you who aren't Foodies or interested in cooking shows a la Food Network, lemme give you a quick breakdown. Various types of people and foods are represented on Food Network. They have the Southern Belle single mom who's down home comfort food has made her a staple (Paula Deen). There's the decadent woman that came into her own with natural, classic flavors and style (Ina Garten aka The Barefoot Contessa). They have a young woman with culinary expertise and close ties to her Italian heritage and family (my personal favorite personality, Giada DeLaurentiis). The city boy with a flair for keeping it real and spicy with a background of being a bit of a hard-ass (Bobby Flay). Who can't resist the knowledgeable & scientific nerd who can break down the hows and whys of food preparation (Alton Brown)? There's the blonde, overly cheerful and perhaps organizationally compulsive lady that has a place for everything and everything in its place, while helping you customize meals in a semi-homemade fashion (Sandra Lee). FN even has a place for the quirky cook who wants to make dishes quick and easy for those of us in a hurry (my least favorite personality, Rachel Ray). As time has gone on Food Network has branched out to include more ethnic differentiation from Ingrid Hoffman's Latin flair, The Neely's down-home grit, Sunny Anderson's sweet demeanor, and fourth season Food Network Star winner Aaron MacCargo Jr's "Big Daddy" mentality with big flavors.

My husband and I have tried recipes from numerous people from Food Network and various recipes from the site. We've had hits (Giada's Simple Bolognese, Sandra Lee's Cafeteria-style Mac & Cheese, the Neely's Get Yo' Man Chicken) and misses (Rachel Ray's Sesame Seed Chicken Fingers, Rachel Ray's 30-minute Coq Au Vin). We've broadened our horizons to try new dishes, work overnight to impress family & friends, and conquer simple recipes for desserts, sides, and entrees. A couple of times I've found myself pretending to talk to a camera as I folded my batter or melted my butter or marinated my chicken.

"I could definitely host my own show," I've thought to myself time and time again when a dish came out the way I anticipated.

However, watching Food Network Star it was made evidently clear that I'd probably buckle under pressure; freak out; throw stuff around the kitchen leaving a olive oil trail behind me; or vomit consistently before having to go before a TV, panel, or audience as I attempted to BS through cooking and presenting myself as a culinary expert. As we got into the fourth season of Food Network Star our egotistical thoughts were quickly shutdown at seeing people--who like us probably thought getting a show on FN would be a walk in the park--get their culinary butts kicked week after week.

Explaining a dish in 30 seconds upon tasting it? Not as easy as you may think. Words like "delicious" and "tasty" need to be removed from your lexicon. Moist, spicy, sweet yet not too sweet, bitter; these are the specific types of words that explain how food tastes to the viewer. "A hint of lemon makes all the other flavors pop out." "The musky smell from liquid smoke makes this taste like a hickory dream." Vivid. "Delicious, creamy ice cream." Not so much.

In the past two seasons of Food Network Star I have seen grown men and women cry on a regular basis. I've seen grown ups and young people alike get chewed out by Bobby Flay and Co. A comedian lost all humor as she attempted to back up her dish. And most recently a man lied under pressure so he could last at least another week, thereby throwing his partner under the bus. Of course these are amateurs! And the reality set in that I am one as well.

On Iron Chef I've never seen Chefs Flay, Morimoto, Cora, Batali, or Symon buckle under pressure. I've never seen them throw a towel at their competitor and say "F*** this!" whether the secret ingredient was apples or catfish. They went to work and a majority of the time are successful in completing the task presented to them. Even after losing the Iron Chefs are graceful and kind knowing they put their all into the five dishes they had to prepare & plate in 60 minutes or less. Now that's pressure. And if I couldn't make a signature burger or present kid-friendly veggies to a bunch of eight year olds how in the hell could I think I'd ever be able to deal with the big dogs on FN?

Food Network Star, you'd think, would be a reality check to the posers like myself who'd like to think as long as you can cook, think on your feet, and talk it'll all be gravy. We see the strongest competitors get put in their place when they're told they have to serve a dinner party of 12 on a $60 budget or that they have to make a grown up version of chicken fingers, while making a kid-friendly version of brusselsprouts or to think of and create a dish within 30 minutes. And don't get me started on the Dinner Imposible missions they have some of these people going through with tiny ovens/kitchens, limited ingredients, etc. Last season a contestant broke a glass of juice over a grill plate with food on it, duck confit no less, which ultimately became trash leading to her ouster. Oh it gets hard core, my friends. The FN Gods want to rock you to your core to make sure you-can-handle-it. And once a year only one person is deemed able to.

However, it seems if you have personality enough you may end up with a show anyway. Perhaps you'll be like last year's runner-up Adam Gertler and get a show where you're sent around the country to do odd jobs that are food-related at their own discretion because you were pretty peppy--and at times funny. Maybe you'll luck out like season three semi-finalist Nathan Lyons with his own show on FitTV. Or season 4's finalist Kelsey with a show on upstart Food2. Just because you didn't win the title, doesn't mean you're out for the count. And this is true for many reality shows like the most recent Bachelor where said bachelor picked the semi-finalist to marry instead of the "winner" or the runners-up on America's Next Top Model (one of two I've seen model at Bryant Park in Project Runway). And look at American Idol. At least half of the top ten finalists get their own record deal once the show ends for the season. You may grow with the competition leading you to better understand yourself as a potential food host. Or you can fade away and go back to the life you had beforehand.

The cards aren't always aligned to help you live your dream. And if you aren't overly interesting then you may want to kiss the changes of having your own cooking show good-bye, right quick. However, I'd like to think I'm an optimist and say that as long as you work hard at it your dreams may come true at some point. Of course, I've come to realize that I'll need a lot of preparation before I can host my own show. Needless to say, I'm not going to be quitting my day job anytime soon.

My Annual Travel: Ghana (3 of 3)

I know this last post is long overdue, and I apologize.

I've called this series my annual travel because I do want to make it a yearly habit to go abroad. And I do mean abroad and not just to another borough or to the West Coast. Granted, America is different all over, but actually being outside the continent makes me feel like I'm closer to the outside world and not just simmering in my native NYC juices for the most part. I believe as artists (writers, photographers, painters, musicians, etc.) that we expand our art by learning about the outside world as well as reflecting what we've learned from our daily surroundings.

The yearn for traveling has taken me to Dublin, Ireland for 28 days where I was boarding with girls younger and older than me. And surprise, surprise I found that the women around my age or older (except for one) were the only people I could tolerate on a mental level. I still keep in touch with two of these lovely ladies from their new locations of Seattle and Boston. (Hope to see you soon Aexis & Colleen!) When I was in Dublin the Americans still had sympathy from 9/11 and pre-Iraq War. It'd be cool to return to Dublin to see what they think of us now that we've elected Barack Obama as our 44th president.

I've been to Canada twice, both times in Ontario, and found that in Toronto I had a feeling of blending in & belonging. While in Kingston racism was a bit more prevalent. My guide/friend at the time seemed to realize it more than I did, but it was weird to be up North where they consider themselves so much more advanced then us and to be in a small city where I got stares because of the color of my skin, I mean I haven't experienced that in any of my travels in the U.S., yet.

I spent a few days in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico for a friends wedding and didn't get to experience Mexican culture too much because the area I was in was saturated with American corporations like Wal-mart, Pizza Hut, Dominoes, and I'm pretty sure I may have seen an Applebee's also. I did go ziplining on my last day through the forests of the city and after rapid sweats and one or two freak out sessions enjoyed my time thoroughly. I even buddied up with two older sisters that were probably in their 50s or so but had the vitality of someone thirty years younger. And what was awesome is that they made it a point to travel together every year.

This year's trip was one I have longed for to visit England, Hereford specifically. I was considering doing a travel abroad in England rather than Ireland than all this Mad Cow stuff happened and well, that was that. I'll want to hit up London at some point, but for research purposes of my novel I need to absorb myself in Hereford for at least three or four days. My hubby seems to really want to come with me which should be good. I hope he doesn't mind me dragging him across the Wye River and going on Cider tours.

My first opportunity to go to Africa was on the CCNY Study Abroad to Morocco. However, once I heard that I wouldn't get to shower on a daily basis the trip was null & void in my mind. Sorry, but there are some things I just can't negotiate. Even the opportunity to dump a bucket of water over me would've sufficed at the time.

But that was then and this is now.

PALF PEEPS
Whenever one sets out to travel on their own various images come to mind. For one, what type of people are you going to meet? And two, if there's a language barrier, how will I ask where the bathroom is? For me, the arrival at the airport for my plan ride to Ghana reminded me of my trip to Dublin. I'd basically be cohabitating (kind of) with people I'd never met before of various personalities. And this worried me greatly. In Dublin we were all getting our BAs and were of different mindsets. For the first two days everyone was nice to one another and after that BAM came the divide. Of course living with eight other women tends to mean cattiness may be improbable.

So when we were all cordial (males & females all in our twenties or older) it was pleasant. I was optimistic about the people I'd get to meet. And you know what happened? They didn't disappoint whatsoever. Perhaps it was because it was an older group, and we're all artists just trying to make our way in life and better ourselves and our work that was the bonding theme throughout the conference. I mean having all these other factors that tend to make our daily lives inhabitable and just being together in the Motherland to appreciate this experience made for no ill will amongst those that I hung around. Of course I didn't get to know everyone over the course of a week and that saddens me a bit because I'm sure I missed out on some really cool personalities. I also didn't get to know some people I liked as well as I could've of (thanks traveler's diarrhea) but there was such an overflow of positivity that I felt good the whole time. Not once did I feel a need to bake anyone cookies to try and get with the in-crowd. Not that I could've baked but I could've bought some people digestive cookies.

To date I've been able to keep in contact or be "friended" with people on Facebook. I've seen people's posts about events in NYC, updates on their writing and life, and just queries about life in general. Facebook and Twitter updates have allowed me to know when the flow-tastic Caitlin is performing in the area, see the latest video (Cosmic Headphones) from poet and lyricist extraordinaire Eagle Nebula, hear about the new addition to Paula's family as she balances motherhood and a non-fiction book, and congratulating Chelsea on finishing her novel after years of research, sweat, and tears.

I was able to see my friend Stewart last week at Book Expo which was very happy making. And just saw on Facebook that one of the PALF contest winners, Mildred, just had a book of poetry published in Africa. My instructor Binyavanga is finishing up his time at Bard and fellow workshopper Nana may be coming to NYC this summer. I also heard that Jodie (one of the Admins for PALF) will be headed to England to focus on her writing.

Seeing, reading, hearnig these updates is always great and validating to know that they're still maintaining their creativity. That we're all at different stages of our lives, are healthy and working towards something. Perhaps we don't know what yet, but we're still striving as artists to succeed, to publicize ourselves and our interests, and supporting one another whether it be a simple comment of encouragement on Facebook or paying the fee to see them shine in front of a microphone.

Next year PALF is supposed to be held in Mali. I'm wavering making that my go-to writing spot for the summer or applying to the Iowa Writer's Workshop summer program or someplace else. I'm wavering if I want to go through the vaccinations, medicine, and potential sickness that may inflict me during my time there or if I should stay stateside and see what feedback I can get here. Thinking back to Ghana and how people worried over my well-being, checked in on me when I was at my lowest point, made me laugh and holler at their work in enthusiasm, or just shared my sense of mind when it came to ploughing through that work that seems like the monkey on your back. I think back to the day I got to dance in the rain to live music after eating joloff rice and consider that the experience and people are worth it, hands down.

Extreme Eats: Everything is bigger in the U.S.

The Travel Channel is going EXTREME today with a marathon of shows with the word 'Extreme' in the title. My husband and I caught Extreme Pigouts, which focused on restaurants that catered to the ridiculous in portion and idealogy yet making viewers mouths water nonetheless.

Reader(s) you know I am a self-pronounced foodie and that I enjoy the finer things in life. But deep-fried pizza? Fourteen thousand calories in a tub of Ben & Jerry's? A faux doctor, who used to be a nutritionist opening a burger joint with ridiculous portions? America is indeed the land of the free, but a place where obesity trends have increased heavily from 1985-2007. Internationally the US is the first (We're #1, We're #1) nation in regards to percentage of population that is obese. And watching a show like Extreme Pigouts today further explains how we got that way.

Healthier eating and a healthier life have become a wave that many cable channels, cooking shows, and QVC segments have focused on a lot more in the past decade or so. There's a channel devoted only to fitness (FitTV) as well as a handful more shows on healthy cooking, and a slew of reality shows focusing on weight loss (The Biggest Loser, Celebrity Fit Club, Bridal Bootcamp, etc.). There are many vegan cookbooks available catering to that culture and books on macrobiotic diets and so forth. We still hear the promises of quick fixes with pills and workout DVDs and energy drinks or anything that has the word 'Special K' on it. So how is it that we're still an obese nation?

Because of supply and demand. Watching Extreme Pigouts and even Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives, or anything with Paula Deen, one cannot deny that the deep or pan fried dish looks tasty and from what we're being told by the idiot box is extremely tasty. I won't feign disgust at the thought of deep fried mac n' cheese because I've tasted it from The Cheesecake Factory. I can't say that ice cream with brownies, cookies, nuts, and whipped cream on top doesn't appeal to me. And I certainly won't say that a big ole flavorful burrito doesn't make me drool a little. What I find to be the problem, and as Nutri-system commercials state, is that it's about portion control as much as it is about what you eat. The problem in watching Extreme Pigouts is seeing the lengths that these already-bad-for-you foods go to become a staple on the U.S. map. As the owner of Jack-n-Grill stated he always had a mindset that his stuff had to be the biggest since he was from Nevada originally and apparently there were some turf wars between the state and Texas in terms of which one really has the biggest stuff. (Just an extension of the male ego if you ask me, I mean look at how big all these new NYC condos are being built; extension of something, perhaps?)

In the words of the ladies in Gypsy "you gotta have a gimmick." And so on Extreme Pigouts places like Big Mama's and Papa's Pizzeria can't just make good pizza, but the largest pizza. A pie is 54 inches in length and width and has to be delivered in a flat bed truck. Suitable for parties yes, but what if someone just figured they could live on the food staple for a while and now has to down pound upon pound of pizza or else it's just a waste?

Places like The Chip Shop will deep fry almost anything and everything edible, except some animals I suspect. Deep fried egg, egg sandwiches, pizza, double fried donuts, twinkies, the list goes on and on. The announcer on the show said that a couple deep fried twinkies or other desserts go over the daily caloric intake of an average individual.

Ben & Jerry's in Vermont will provide you a tub of 14,000 calorie goodness with a bad ass brain freeze on the side in the form of a tub of ice cream with a brownie, three choco chip cookies, four scoops of walnuts, a ton of whipped cream, all residing on a bed of 20 scoops of ice cream that comes up halfway in the tub. On Pigouts we saw 8 teenagers take on this 8lb mass of sugar and fat, garnering about a pound per person, unless you have that greedy friend. And you know we all do.

And in the video in the link provided you see The Heart Attack Grill where patrons over 350lbs get to eat for free everyday and everyone else gets to enjoy the fry bar with a burger named after heart surgery. I won't even go into the waitresses dolled up as hotty nurses and the owner dressed up as a doctor touting a motto of prescriptions of deliciousness or whatever, even though he used to be a nutritionist and found that people were happier gorging on fat. Everything here is cooked in lard, lard people! Pure fat! As delicious as it may taste fat on fat is not cool, especially on the hips.

The gimmick is that we must be the biggest and the best because we're entitled as Americans to free speech and free reign. Yes, women fought for the right to make decisions on what happens to their bodies via Roe v. Wade. And yes, not all neighborhoods are equipped with the healthier resources we'd need to make our bodies big and strong. But proprietors of such places that go overboard in thinking they're giving you what you want need to be able to stand back from everything and say to themselves: "Hey, maybe a seven pound burrito is a bit extreme."

Of course individuals need to be responsible for what they're putting in their mouth and I wouldn't be so bold as to say go on strike from tasty treats like Krispy Kreme or Popeye's or for the love of God your local Chinese food joint. I just think that the fact that some could think that the gimmick of "bigger is better" is always a good thing think things over a bit. No one needs that much more of what we can get nearby. In New York City seeing the nutritional facts for most chain stores leaves me wondering why I'd want to Supersize anything if it meant I couldn't eat anything else for the rest of the day without seeing some nice cottage cheese thighs develop. I've backed away from Dunkin Donuts or IHOP after seeing the caloric count for foods I ate without a second thought in the past.

I was raised to eat everything on my plate and sometimes that thinking pervades still today. When going to fancier restaurants that aren't chains I look at the meat, carbs, and veg on my plate and think I won't be filled by this at all. Screw that, lemme hit up Applebee's and get the large chicken fingers and fries. But lo and behold at Bar Americain or Josephina's or Peep or Babbo I become amazed at how much my stomach contracts at my attempt to put in any more food. By Job those portions were just right and I might even have room for dessert!

Bigger does look better. Especially if it means you're getting more for your money. And hell yeah that's a great deal when in a recession! But, when looking back and thinking on how much gluttony has become a part of our culture I have to aire on the side of caution and say that when your tummy says stop, stop. And as good as that eighth piece of pizza looks or as tasty as the sound of deep fried snickers rings in your ear to try and think a bit about the gimmick and consider whether or not it's in your best interest.

I mean, doesn't this look tasty?!?

Product Review: Diva Smooth from Janelle Beauty

Today I, shockingly, only spent twelve minutes in line at the Post Office waiting to send back the Diva Smooth products I purchased a few weeks ago.

I'd heard about Janelle Beauty's Diva Smooth product after looking at the website going-natural.com. At the time, I looked a few months back, there had been an advertisement for Diva Smooth, an all-natural product that promised to get your hair straight without the pesky and harmful chemicals some women of color (like myself) may come to rely on to straighten our hair. Well, hearing about that I had to find out more because who wouldn't want to be able to switch out the regular sessions and slight burning of chemicals for something that is natural and you can do at home?

So I went to the website, looked at their description of Diva Smooth, looked at their testimonials and the common questions area, then even Googled the product to see if anyone else had written about it saying she had some positive results. You'll probably also see woman chatting about it on the Long Hair Care Forum. After that, I figured I'd take the plunge because you always have to try something to learn, no?

It took less than a week for the product to arrive and I tried it that weekend. At this point it'd been several weeks since I had my last relaxer done and I wanted to see how it'd do with my hair having been "out of it" for almost two months. I read the directions and saw I'd need an applicator brush and had to make due with what I had in the apartment.

One of the main ingredients in the Diva Smooth product is honey along with herbs and some natural fruits and stuff. The consistency is of honey as well so when you're applying it to your hair it's extremely sticky and makes it hard to effectively get it from root to tip. I'd advise you to have a Diva Smooth party so you and your friends can do each others hair because after a few you see your hair sticking on its end, yet it smells amazing! After an hour or so I got through my full head of hair, roots and all, covered my head with a cap and waited. The instructions suggest that you wait 35 minutes with the product on if you have fine hair and 45 minutes for coarser hair. I cooked dinner and after an hour I washed and conditioned my hair via my normal routine as it states in the instructions. After drying my hair I noticed no change in texture, smell, or straightness. It looked the same as before.

Irritated, but still hopeful, I used the Virgin Coconut Serum figuring perhaps this would aid in the straightening process. It's actually included because it's supposed to help repair your hair from too much heat. One of the things that Diva Smooth notes repeatedly is that you have to flat iron your hair to get it straight. Okay, fine. As I parted each piece of my hair for the flat iron I sprayed some of the Serum on, massaged it in, then flat ironed it. I must say that the Serum brought out a nice luster in my hair and again smelled fabulous. It doesn't smell so much like coconut exactly but does have a faint trace of it that lasted for five or so days.

I decided that before I gave up on the product I'd try it again and waited a week before doing so. This time I had my applicator brushes (one straight and one a-symmetrical) all ready to go. Take that!

On another Sunday I took a couple of hours to apply (from root to end) Diva Smooth to my hair. Since there'd been a nice frost during the spring in NYC the Diva Smooth product and Serum products had congealed. So, note to selves make sure to keep these things at room temperature to ensure that they remain liquified. After leaving the bottles in hot water for several minutes they became liquidy enough to come out of their nozzle and spray respectively. It took a little less time, as by now I'd become a pro at this, and I covered my hair again for about an hour to do some errands then resumed the wash & conditioning routine.

Upon drying my hair I again noticed that the texture, consistency, and smell had not changed at all. I flat ironed my hair and used the Virgin Coconut Serum to no avail. My newly shiny and tropical smelling hair went on our merry way to work.

Now, just to explain I've been having my hair chemically relaxed since I was in my senior year of high school so that's about ten years or so. My hair is not naturally straight and my roots grow out relatively fast. So I was disappointed that for me Diva Smooth did not provide any difference to what happens to me after a while of not getting my hair chemically altered. This past weekend I saw my hair dresser (who gave me a tongue lashing for waiting two months to see her) and got my hair chemically relaxed and noticed the difference. My roots were bone straight and of course my hair had a nice luster. Once the rain and wind hit it this weekend that all went to hell, but that's beside the point. Diva Smooth claims to be the natural version of chemically relaxing your hair and all I noticed was that I had struggled to put honey in my hair, washed it out, and had the same results with kinky roots that were no straighter than they were hours earlier, along with ends that weren't any straighter than they had been hours earlier either.

Many women have noted on the Diva Smooth testimonials page that this product worked well for them and that they haven't had to use a chemical relaxer for months. So perhaps Diva Smooth really does work for some and not all. Perhaps I just picked a fickle time to use it on my hair. I did want to be sure not to mix up the effects of my chemical relaxer with that of Diva Smooth and so figured that using it after six, seven weeks of no relaxer would really tell me how this product worked on its own.

I'm not trying to say do or don't use Diva Smooth. I'd definitely suggest you try it and see if it may be your miracle cure for straight hair with no more waiting in the salon and shelling out extra cash in tips to your shampoo girl and stylist. However, you may enjoy those regular trips to the salon and getting out of the house every so often.

As a precursor you may want to purchase a cute little honey squeeze bottle in the shape of a bear and comb that through your hair a couple times and see if you want to take the plunge with Diva Smooth. It'd be a good test.

Side bar, I just wanted to say that the Janelle Beauty site has two listings for the same two products in the Hair section. One is the Diva Smooth Kit for $34.99 which includes the Diva Smooth product and Virgin Coconut Hair Serum. There's another listing of the same two products at the price of $29.99. Why they'd charge customers five dollars more for the exact same products with only the word 'kit' added is beyond me.

England & the U.S.A, Not So Different After All?

SNAP! I didn't realize I hadn't posted anything for this year yet. I really thought I had some good Obama action after the Inauguration. Or perhaps it's Blogger messing with me? Ah well.

A few weeks ago my husband and I returned from about a week-long trip in England. We went to a nice little city called Hereford for five days and spent our last night in London. Here's a snippet of my thoughts on that trip.











The Tele
My first day in England had me absorbed in their television shows on their basic channels (BBC1, BBC2, Channel Four, ITV, and Five!). In the mornings they had their block of "trash" talk shows. One of which reminded me of Maury Povich whose British counterpart would be Jeremy Kyle. A man who seems to relish being thrust into the middle of broken relationships. Over the course of watching three episodes there was at least an average of one paternity test, this same "entertainment" ploy has become a staple in Povich's show. Young women agree to be on the show to air their dirty laundry and get a free trip to New York City along with a free DNA test for their child(ren). Some of these women tend to come on Povich's show repeatedly causing one to wonder if she is indeed as loose as she comes off as or if this was just a nice set-up behind the scenes to garner some ratings.

Some of Kyle's guests had such thick Cockney accents one could hardly make out the insults they were slinging. My husband was slightly taken aback by this, thinking that all Brits were regal and cultured. Mind you we also learned that England has the highest teen pregnancy rate of all the countries in Europe explaining why the topic du jour was often two teens figuring out how to try and balance their relationship with a newborn child in the mix.

There were also a bunch of shows transported over the Atlantic. It's expected that shows that are/were hits in America would soon make their way to England, shows such as: 'Desperate Housewives', 'Will & Grace', 'Everybody Loves Raymond', etc. But some were kind of head scratchers to me like 'The Flintstones' and moreso 'Everybody Hates Chris.' Seeing such a specific show that even in the U.S. urban markets hasn't been doing very well ratings-wise surprised me when I caught the last few minutes on a Saturday night on one of the basic channels in our hotel room. It was also pleasant to see further confirmation of Chris Rock's appeal internationally.

The BBC News was a staple in our media absorption. For the most part we caught the evening news to hear about Kate Winslet & Slumdog Millionaire's Oscar wins. Another big story a few days later was the death of David Cameron's, son Ivan. Cameron is the Conservative Leader in Parliament. There were many stories in regards to Britain's economic crisis which befell them around the same time it did the United States. Tax payers there are already bailing out banks all over the country and there are many people losing their jobs and homes. A friend I got to visit in London informed me that buying property in London is a really big deal and that young people getting out of college are pressured to do so to already begin owning property and starting a portfolio at the end of the day. "Renting is very frowned upon," she said, adding that she knew many people already in debt. Her roommate was already worrying about paying off her mortgage had my friend not been living with her and getting steady work for the past year.

Shoppin'
As a tourist these are things you don't see straight off the bat. Especially when going to Harrod's and seeing the stores with people hemorhaging out of the doors trying to get that posh bit of London that notes they were there. I can't say I wasn't guilty of the same thing as I clung to my teddy bear wearing a Harrod's robe as I waited for a cashier to ring me up. Statistics say that London is one of the most visited cities in the world and it showed when I saw Americans and Brits clamouring for the shiny and glittery objects at Harrod's. It was evident when I heard the silky Italian language that this was the equivalent of Macy's in Herald Square. These same crowds I avoid as much as possible after work and on weekends was the same crowd I was doing battle with to snag a box of Harrod's Earl Grey from it's pyramid in one corner and gather some White wine (for one stop shopping) as I was cornered by a visiting group of Spaniards. The grandness of the outside of Harrod's reminded me of all the thinking that must go on at Macy's once Spring rolls around and their display windows must have flowers, flowers, and more flowers! The lights, the mannequins in sequins and various hues were eye-catching and at the same time gaudy as hell. My friend summed it up pretty accurately, Harrod's is just the pinnacle of "ostentatiousness."


Welcome to London!
When first arriving at Paddington Station I was instantly reminded of Grand Central with all the side shops offering food, information, clothing, broadband service, etc. With the difference being that Paddington Station has a large opening at one of the main entrances allowing cars to park nearby or passengers to enter without having to worry about steps or an escalator. It had an older, colonial feel but definitely gave off the feeling of Grand Central with it's grandness and superiority, the high walls that seem millions of miles away and stretches of floor that go from here to there. I really liked the station, but was pretty peeved when I learned I had to pay 30 pence just to use the bathroom and couldn't get change unless an attendant was around. I stomped up the stairs requesting (i.e.: demanding) that my husband give me all the change he had.

After having a lovely and seemingly large room at a B&B in Hereford we were shocked at the lack of space we had in our London hotel. It made me think of moving from a lush one-bedroom in one of the Outer boroughs to moving to Manhattan for less than half the space (and a higher price). Our hotel (per night) was more than the one in Hereford and the space was so tight that we had to put our suitcases on top of the closet we had just to get around the bed. My husband said it reminded him of the pod rooms he saw pictures of in Tokyo where it's simply a bed and a screen. Now, it wasn't that bad. But coming from a place where the bathroom was twice the size of the one we have at home and there was enough space in the 'living' area for us to not only walk around the bed but lay down on the floor coming to this squat area was like living in a studio in the East Village just because you can. We had not bathtub just the shower and for some reason the toilet paper roll was under the sink. It was nice and contemporary looking with the sleek lines, dark colors, and minimal attributes but I'd take the spacious bathroom in Hereford where I took some nice baths when the heat wasn't pumping so frequently and the bright fuschia decor over this anyday. I wonder if people that stay in hotels across from Penn Station or Grand Central or even on Broadway have to deal with this spacing issue. For me it was a direct replication of the renting issue from Manhattan to most of the outer Boroughs (even if you find one of the richer areas to move to). For the same price you can get much more if you're willing to spend some extra time on the subway or say you're from Queens, Brooklyn, or the Bronx rather than say "Oh, I live uptown." The country side is definitely the way to go people.


Look, Boss da Train!
The London Underground is also an interesting thing. Their transit employees proved to be extremely helpful to my husband and I even though some things like their charging system was a bit off to me. I believe NYC is one of the few transit systems with a flat fare. Chicago & Boston charge people by distance. London charges people by zones. In NYC you can go from Coney Island to Parkchester for one rate not having to worry about anyone or anything checking your ticket to make sure you aren't trying to swindle the system. When looking at things that way perhaps one may not be so angry when thinking of the impending fare hikes. My husband paid about ten American dollars to pay for us to have what could be considered a 1-day unlimited card for zones 1 & 2. Also something to note is the abundance of machines to purchase tickets from. It didn't look like there were any people selling them so the MTA's step with just having Service agents, relying on the machines to do all the work of selling making Station Agents unnecessary, is something that London has already seemed to adopt.

The Underground turnstiles are much like the NJ Path turnstiles in that you slip your card through and two paddles blocking your entrance allow you passage. You follow the herd of people along the twists and turns to get to the line you need. These lines are color coded (like ours) and have specific names like The Circus Line (yellow) or The Picadilly Line (brown). We have the IND and the BMT but we rarely call them these things more so "The Sixth Avenue Line" or "The Eighth Avenue Line" which becomes somewhat redundant when you're in an outer borough. More apt may be "Train to Coney Island" or "Train to Brooklyn Bridge" or "Train that goes along Queens Blvd for most of the route." And you shouldn't refer to these lines by their color in either London or NYC. I wouldn't say "The green line" to either a service agent in London or a station agent in the Bronx. Trust me, they'll look at you and laugh or just ignore you.

A few of the Underground stations we were at had large screens embedded in the walls. This seemed redundant because there isn't any sound emitting from the walls and because the Tube comes very regularly. Something that reminded me of the L subway stations is the electronic scroll that lets passengers know when the next Tube is coming and if on an adjoining track it'll say which one is on the way. Except for late night, I didn't have to wait more than three minutes for a Tube. It was awesome.

Thing is these trains are very cramped with limited seating (especially for the handicap). So I wouldn't want to be in one during the London equivalent of rush hour. I felt claustrophobic enough standing in one for several stops as we tried to get to Picadilly Circus. People were to the right and left of me and I was stuck in the middle to hold a pole as no ventillation was provided. I automatically became nervous and realized in the event of (God forbid) another attack we'd be cramped and helpless underground. Scary.

Fashion! Turn to the left...
When arriving in Hereford and doing a full day's look around of the City Centre we noticed the fashion of the teenagers around us. My husband thought he got away from the below the waistline (and sometimes buttocks) style that some men tend to wear here. But instead he was welcomed by this style, not all together gratuitous in nature, but still disturbing considering the pristine take he had on Brits in general. Seeing some men with a bit of their shirts untucked allowing us to see an inch or more of their boxer shorts set him off. In NYC we've seen a lot worse to the point where I've seen the entire undergarment with someone's butt poked out, as if mocking me, and at times I've seen the skin of said person's thighs and ankles because the jeans were not meant to stay up all together. At least the way the kids in Hereford were wearing them allowed for them to walk properly, not with the gaping steps that remind one of John Wayne meeting a villain for a showdown in True Grit.

We noticed this a bit more on the train ride back to London. We saw several boys (Black and White) with pleasant accents and demeanors as they joked around with each other wearing jeans that seemed stuck just below their crack revealing the nicest and crispest of underwear. I shrugged it off as my husband pointed to them in disgust. I maintained that they still came off more respectful with their "urbafying" their clothes than many of the men I've seen on the streets. I just don't understand how one could wear something below their butts during winter and think themselves comfortable even if it seems to be the style.

That being said women have their faults too when it comes to sensible fashion practices. Of course this usually stems from a need to get attention and so is seen more frequently on their way to night clubs or bars to potentially meet their future husband (or wife).

On our last night in Hereford my husband and I walked around to try and find a bar where we could just sit, drink, and talk. This seemed to be a tall order on a Friday night in Hereford. I tended to forget that even though this was a small, intimate city, that wasn't booming on most nights yet allowed for people to enjoy themselves with food & drink (and some karaoke on the right night) that on Friday's a lot of these quiet places turned into clubs or seething areas to catch an STD. It reminded me of some places in SoHo and far off in midtown on either the west or east side. Women stumbling in heels either because they are not used to them or are already inebriated as they walked in 30 degree (most times lower) weather with the occasional wind chill factor thrown in, or snow for good measure, as they attempt to impress some of the suitors within the bar area. We saw an ambulance outside one of the bars-turned-clubbing-hotspot and a gaggle of girls with no jackets but lots of low-cut or backless tops and short skirts and platform heels hopped to their next destination while one girl was slumped over needing help to make it the few blocks to wherever they were headed. I saw men humping each other with a beer in one hand and declaring their "brotherly love" for one another. These events brought it all home to me as I saw people decked out to get laid. My husband wanted to attempt to relive (or live) a youth he hadn't experienced and enter into one of these debaucherous "clubs." I looked down at my flair jeans, sneakers, and sweater hidden behind a warm wool coat and fleece scarf and shook my head. "I'm too old for that shit," I announced as we tried to see if any place wasn't overrun by post-pubescent, hormonal youths.

Brief Interlude: "Change is coming to America!"
Barack Obama fever is everywhere apparently. Not just in Africa or Obama, Japan or even parts of Canada. The Brits seem to like them some Obama. His books were easily attainable at stores in the City Centre and he was lauded for his upcoming visit with PM Gordon Brown as they understood that both the U.S. and GB economies are somewhat fused together in success and failure.

God Bless You...
Michael Moore's Sicko was a documentary that makes an American grind their teeth at the thought of American healthcare in relation to the ones around the world. At one point Moore and his crew visited a hospital in England where people did not have to pay for their visit at all. In fact a couple had a baby and left the hospital with nothing additional but the child itself. Apparently they even have a cashier that can refund you money on the cab you took to get to the hospital. Crazy indeed, my friends. On the news we heard that there was some dissonance between the people and the law when it came to universal healthcare because apparently there's also something called social care that is not covered. Social care can mean anything that is not directly related to helping the physical aspects of your illness. Like therapy or getting transportation to where you need to go if handicap or other necessities that whomever doesn't think of as immediate needs for the ill. Go figure. This was something that Moore didn't touch upon as it seemed to be a rising problem in England or at least that's what the BBC and the people they interviewed said.

Now, when comparing our healthcare system to Britian's hands down it looks pretty crappy in the simple fact that they don't have to pay for being in the hospital. Who heard of having a baby for free...who?!? But this is just to say that they have their issues too even though the grass looks greener on the other side. This is something I'm going to have to follow up on and see how it turns out before I pack my bags after Obama's tenure in office is said and done.

Diversity
Since we were in Hereford most of the time the diversity was lacking. I saw a handful off African-British (or American) and Asians. But in London it was bustling with them! Lordy they were everywhere in the hotels, the underground, at the cookie cart, in the loo. London is definitely as diverse as NYC is when looking to and fro at those around you on the streets or anywhere.

And then we dined!
Food has become a very important part of my life now that I've proclaimed myself a "foodie." This is a good and bad thing in that I get damnright giddy after I try new places and enjoy the decadent desserts or entrees offered. But I also find that I think about meals more often then I used to and don't stop thinking about food until I'm full. Doesn't bode well for me wanting to lose weight.

I noticed that I get especially antsy about food during travels because you don't necessarily have the luxury of storing stuff for later. Unless you get something like cookies, bread, candybars, certain fruits, etc. you'll probably be dining out for the most part. And it's even worse if you don't have the capabilities to do anything but boil water for tea/coffee. So you feel a need to gorge until your next meal and who knows when that'll be! So we ate...a lot.

We arrived on Pancake Day aka Shrove Tuesday and enjoyed the European pancake aka crepes as us Americans call them. While Hereford didn't have hot dog/pretzel vendors on every corner there was the lovely pancake lady with her ready-made crepes and warm donuts that she sprinkled with chocolate sugar, regular sugar, or cinnamon. Yum, yum, and yummy! Two donuts for a pound people! It was amazing! Outside of that there weren't any cart people to speak of in Hereford. Sad to say. But they did have the same shops as us which can be expected to see a McDonald's and a Starbuck's. But don't expect to see a Dunkin Donuts when they have their own equivalent. And some things are just so good like West Cornwall's Pasty shop. It was like the Golden Krust of Britain! The steak and ale pasty that my husband got to try twice (even though we went to Cornwall Pasty four times for it) was amazing. It was like a tangy beef stew in a nice pastry shell. And filling too since they had small size then the big ole regular ones.

There was also a Pizza Hut right across the street form our B&B that did not taste like the Pizza Hut we know of. It was mediocre at best (as was my lasagna and the caesar salad that took 45 minutes to make) but it was obviously the family spot for people in Hereford north of the City Centre.

When traveling one may feel disappointed at seeing chains you see all the time. We traveled to see things that are distinct to that place not the same. Or you can feel a bit of ease at the fact that if all else fails you can get a Big Mac from the golden arches. My husband was slightly upset to see a McDonald's but once he got tired of the offerings during breakfast time he high-tailed it across the street to get some hot cakes. I stayed diligent and ate as much of the English Breakfast as I could get. That's right I'm hardcore.