Artist Residency Withdrawal: Re-entering society after living the dream

As I've stated many times on this blog and for those who know me in-person,  heck random people on the street may have also been informed, that last month I returned from one of the greatest experiences of my life at the Jentel Artist Program Residency. June 13th marked the one month mark that I've been home and attempted to re-enter my everyday life in New York City. A couple weeks ago I met up with some writer friends who have and were about to embark on a residency. For Ennis his current time in Upstate New York serves as the longest that he's been away from the home he's made in Harlem. He asked my friend Kim and I for any advice as to how it is to be with other artists (and only other artists) as well as what he may look forward to (sarcasm!) when he returns.

Kim is a veteran in regards to residencies. She was the one who implored that I apply for them. She mentioned it was hard for her to re-immerse herself into life at work, especially when she returned during a really hectic time in the office.

Another friend of mine returned from her residency this year a few weeks before I left for mine. At present time she is still having a rough time of being back at work as a teacher and working on her novel preparing to send it out to agents. She's re-evaluating life after her residency and I'm sure is antsy to do another one.

Me, I just applied to another residency program for the beginning of 2012 and am lining up applications for more come the last quarter of this year. I believe the week of June 5th, a week before my LIU Summer Writers Lab workshop,  I just got back to life and the productivity level I was at before I headed off to Jentel.

Let me try and summarize the first four weeks back:

Week 1: Reeling, and I mean reeling, from being home. I was picked up from the airport and I was glad to enter a clean apartment. Went food shopping and I got to eat some old faves, Chipotle & Dani's Pizza, before mentally preparing to return to work on Monday.

Returning to work entailed me having to deal with rush hour and wondering why I work in the first place. I kept comparing my surroundings to what I'd just left and found them extremely lackluster, especially my apartment which does not compare in scope to the large bathroom I had to myself at Jentel and the huge room, lovely open kitchen, and spaciousness, spaciousness, spaciousness.

In dealing with co-workers I was met with many who were happy about my return and excited about my experience. I also experienced a few who asked some arcane questions that I'm sure many artists in general cringe at. Ones like "If you're a writer, why do you work here?" "Oh, you're a writer what books have you published." "Oh, if you're a writer that means you've been published in The New Yorker?" And so on and so forth.

Week 2: Sorting through photos, updating the blog on my experience, and just sleeping and being lazy for the most part. I was not ready to be social with friends and pushed off many invitations to see people upon my return. I was lethargic and didn't cook, only re-heated, and didn't bake a lick. My usual routine of baking for people's birthdays in the office was non-existent and I just went from bakery to bakery to purchase goods I thought they'd like.

The upswing to this week was Book Expo which lead to attaining a lot of books, attending some book events, and standing a lot. But it was a good time!

Week 3: A friend's wedding and another work week. Mind you in these weeks that I'd been home I didn't do a lick of writing outside of e-mails and updating my blog. I wrote an article for Book Expo for AroundHarlem.com. I started reading a very good book that gave me a great amount of inspiration (see Goodreads list). I barely cleaned, leaving someone else to kindly pick up the slack when it came to sweeping and scrubbing the bathroom regularly. I hadn't done a full overhaul of the kitchen, usually my domain to clean, but couldn't muster the will to do so. I did start hanging out with friends more regularly, but still begged off some events and now had to worry about money since I wasn't saving as much by simply writing and staying in. I actually had to go out, look at my checkbook, and pay bills as well as for groceries and household needs again.

Week 4: Slowly getting back in the swing of things. I actually sat for a whole five+ hours to read and review all the stories I revised while away and started to make edits during my free time in the office. I attained some freelance work and did this as well. I made self-imposed deadlines for myself as well as submitting an application for a residency. I decided to enter some contests due at month's end and submit a YA piece for consideration. I'm also looking into revising pieces for a friend's anthology which is due by month's end. In addition to this I am starting other residency applications due in September, making contacts for references, and researching places to submit my more complete flash fiction pieces as well as compiling a list of places to hopefully submit a piece from my collection at the end of this year.

What helped during this time is having friends who've been through this. Fellow Jentelian Heidi Durrow was kind in asking how I was dealing with my return on Twitter and said she related but to give it time. This seemed to be the main piece of steady advice: just give yourself time to get back into the swing of things.

It took three weeks for this to happen but it did. During the fourth week I no longer looked at those on the subways as my enemies but as my equals just as I had prior to my leaving. I didn't look at work as a prison anymore, but a means to an end. I didn't think badly of those ignorant comments, though they still irritate me, of how I could be an artist when it wasn't how I was making my living. I got back into my routine and even tried to be more of a stickler to my craft by denying invites during the weekend so that I could stay home and focus and work. Whether it be on my own projects or ones assigned. I got back into cooking and just baked some blondies for a friend and the LIU SWL group.

At the Summer Writers Lab Akashic Publisher Johnny Temple said he was irritated with the thought that we should "just write." "With everything going on in the world" why would anyone feel a sense of "entitlement" at just writing. He was right. That's how I felt upon my return. That I was entitled to just be an artist and not have to work a full-time job or do freelance or do the work to make myself successful and support myself so that I could focus on my art. The dream is to make a living solely on our work because we enjoy doing it enough without pay, so how much more awesome would it be if we were getting paid. Well, that's not a reality for a crapload of artists.

I've come to terms with what I've been doing and look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel. It doesn't pain me to wake up and not see the vibrant colors of Neltje's decorated home. I'm up early and to bed early and slowly getting back into the swing of exercising regularly. I'm being kept awake by my work and have been blocking off time to work on it. It's been good these past few weeks and in giving myself the time to get there I feel reinvigorated to pursue my work.

Inaugural Summer Writers Lab @ Long Island University

It's always nice to be a part of the first of something, especially when it comes to creative endeavors or anything that results in something good and positive. This year I was honored to be included in the first group of attendees for the Summer Writers Lab (SWL) hosted at Long Island University's Brooklyn campus and directed by author and LIU MFA professor Jessica Hagedorn, with instructors/authors Gabriel Cohen, Jennifer Egan, and Marlon James. I was lucky enough to get into, what appeared to be by the amount in attendance, the popular Jennifer Egan workshop. Now, my definition of workshop is one in which you write, you submit, others read & critique it. This was not the same framework for LIU's three-day seminar. It was that, a seminar. While we wrote short in-class or at-home exercises and read these in class time, especially with the twenty or so people in attendence for her class alone, mainly permitted us to comment on what caught our ears and provided great visuals. What struck us immediately to help the author know what to continue to do or leap off from moving forward. Turns out that this is how Jennifer Egan's reviewers handle critiquing each others work primarily. Intriguing, and something to learn from seeing how much Jennifer had a keen ear.

Jennifer is lithe, easy-going, kind, supportive, likes baked goodies, and is a great listener. Learning from someone like this who has achieved so much in her career is something that always sets the emerging writer's mind at ease.

Three days and twenty-one students means there may be a high expectation to achieve a lot in nine hours time total. And while I think a smaller group may have helped delve into Jennifer's agenda more fully, the wealth of sincerity and intrigue and kindness and creativity and support in this room was some of the most satifying I have experienced in 3 days than in 4 years of undergraduate studies in Creative Writing and two years as an MFA student. In three days Jennifer went over Characterization, Dialogue, and Voice and gave as much help and advice as she could as the minutes ticked by.

In the first day we spent about two hours introducing ourselves and asking each other questions to get to know each other better. Jennifer was adamant about this and in the end proved herself quite capable in remember details about us and all our names in the matter of a couple of hours! The exercise itself lent itself to the overall theme of the day "characterization" but was also a way for us to get to know each other better as writers and as people.

One of the other workshop participants, Julie, said it best "I could listen to her for hours." And it's true. Jennifer speaks in such a way that you feel like you're equals. She never references her prizes or how much her books have been lauded. She even has a self-depricating humor at times when it comes to her process and how many of her books have started out. When placing an author on such a high pedestal to know that there's no clear-cut process, no "a-ha!" that hits them in one week flat to create, that they're not completely sure of their work at all initially can help you to breathe so deeply in relief at the realization of no one having all the answers and allowing the process itself to take over, trust those around you, and believe in yourself to persevere. It's something that can't be learned, but hearing it from someone who's just won the Pulitzer helps tremendously.

In the midst of my workshop with Jennifer I heard nothing but praise for Marlon James' workshop, which has a smaller number of participants who enjoyed more one-on-one specific critiques of work.

At the first night's evening event with a reading by all three instructors and Jessica attendees were enlightened and introduced to some powerful prose. The standout of the evening was Marlon James' reading from the new novel he's been writing about seven young men who attempted to kill Bob Marley. It was written in Patois and Mr. James' being of Jamaican descent was able to give the prose full force in his reading. Everyone was blown away and I'm sure he added several dozen new fans to his work and social media pages. The next evening brought a lively discussion from authors Wesley Stace and Rick Moody where many learned about their process as writers.

Saturday afternoon's Q&A panel with representatives from the publishing world that authors often need in their corner was incredibly insightful for those who are used to these types of discussions or who are new to them and need to get thinking on what the publishing world is like and where it's heading as the millenium moves along. Faith Childs, Rakesh Satyal, Johnny Temple, and Harold Augenbraum were extremely kind and generous in their time, (2 hours!) as well as answering additional questions we had. Learning that Faith, as an agent, invests in careers not one-off works; that Rakesh, as an editor, admits that writers should be the most enthusiastic about their work amidst so much competition; and Johnny, publisher of Akashic Books, bringing awareness that us as artists shouldn't pity ourselves because we can't just be artists, but be glad that we can afford the luxury at all even if it is in spare time or time we make at any hour of the day available. And Harold thinks we should not look down on the dinner party in terms of writing or readers. (You had to be there.)

Throughout these three days we were immersed in a community, one you're aware of, but may not be privy to always be around. Like Jentel being surrounded by artists who understand what you're going through in your angst, insecurity, and unfailing ability to procrastinate are there to support and listen. That's what a community is. From the day I walked through the English department and introduced myself to one of my workshop mates I felt the connection. From the moment I looked around at attendees and was approached by Jessica who eagerly wanted to know who I was I felt it. From the smiles I received from those each morning and evening at every event, on our way to and from the bathroom during break, on Twitter, on the street, getting a round of applause from workshop mates because I made blondies, I felt it again and again.

I felt a slight sense of remorse when I left the Greenlight Bookstore yesterday as the SWL reading confirmed the end of the first year of  this new fiction immersion program. I would miss the encouraging smiles and words and hearing Jennifer admit that no one knows it all but that you keep going. I'll miss hearing Jennifer compliment my workshop mates and myself on things it took us minutes to write and I'm sure many of us weren't overly confident in. Something I wrote on the subway was structurally sound? No freaking way! I'll miss seeing a familiar face from graduate school and catching up on what we've both been through as we've plodding along on our work over the years. But in the midst of missing this I know that there's another community I got to know, from another convention/conference what-have-you and that there'll continue to be people you'll meet who'll help you and believe in you. And that this is what these types of conventions are created for. They want to bring people together and in this case SWL was successful.