#ArtistTherapy: There Are No Guarantees

"I worked so long and hard on this. Everyone I who saw/read it enjoyed it. I don't understand why [project] hasn't been picked up yet." Time has been invested. Money perhaps. There's been research, emotional ups and downs. Friendships gained and lost, maybe. Time not spent with others, but in solitude working, working, working. Revisions, imperfections resolved. New manifestations of what you originally thought your project would be. Point blank you've put a lot of work into whatever it is you're producing and at the end with hopefully more encouragement than criticism you're ready to put it out there. Maybe not yet for prime time but for consideration.

Maybe the work has earned you awards/grants, gotten you residencies and fellowships. Helped you get into graduate school. Won scholarships to go to events. Has been praised by others in the business and all those accolades seem like pieces to an inevitably positive conclusion.

So, you're ready to submit and show and hopefully get a response on what will make it all official. This work will be your debut. It'll be what allows you to cross the line from emerging to established. You're eager for the time to come when you can announce it's happening. But then an odd thing occurs. There are rejections, polite ones. Encouraging ones. But still, rejections. The praise is wearing thin, the well running dry. And confidence may begin to wane.

This isn't abnormal. I also won't say it's par for the course. With so many people creating how do you make yours stand out even after receiving what seems like cheering in your corner. This is when I tell you there are no guarantees. The exclusive graduate program, the grants, the encouragement is all great and positively necessary for some to maintain momentum but it's not a promise of what may come. This may entail more work, more revisions, more connections, more applications, more good tidings, more, more, more before the line is crossed.

The lack of guarantees can make even the most optimistic person veer towards the side of pessimism. But it can also be what keeps you motivated. It seemed, for me, whenever I was ready to give up on a piece, a larger project, step back, call it quits, say "not now!" a positive emerged. A publication in a small lit mag, a sudden acceptance when I thought after a year my submission had been lost in the ether of the interwebs, moving from waiting list to guaranteed for a residency, winning an award, being on a short list, getting scholarship after scholarship, requests from agents. All of it combined to make me push myself even more because there was the inkling that someone else, besides me and my friends/peers, saw something in my work that I felt only I had seen. And even if things didn't turn out on the positive of me getting that agent or winning that contest or fellowship and being able to step over that line to be a published author I knew that there was the probability that the more I continued and refined my work/skills that I was narrowing the likelihood of it definitely not happening.

So take every success for what it is, a success. And don't discount what may not amount to the golden ring at the time but how the work is being seen, understood, respected, admired, and that the more who see it the easier it may become to continue on because it's not simply you creating it's others seeing your vision and wanting it to succeed. It's not personal, it's rarely ever personal. But it is part of the larger picture that the only guarantee, is a decision made by you, as to whether or not you'll continue on.

I'd Like to Introduce: @MinoritiesinPub (MiP)!

Well, this is a venture that grew out of friendly talk and then became a running joke of us doing a podcast about being minorities in publishing in the Whole Foods cheese section (we note our love of Whole Foods in our first episode) and then this niggling idea became "Hey why the hell not do this?" And when I mentioned it offhand to others or friends saw our "mock" tweets some said, "I'd listen to that if you did a podcast!" True story.

My friend and former co-worker Bev and I often discuss the lack of minorities in publishing as two people of color (POC) in publishing and said "We should do a podcast." Thinking on it more I reached out to Bev and said, "We really should do one" and she agreed.

And with that we started meeting. Talking logistics. Doing research on podcasts. Getting links with more links embedded in additional links noting what newbie podcasters should know. I made the logo with Bev's input (see above). And we kept thinking and meeting regularly and meeting tasks while assigning more tasks and it is now a real thing! How exciting is that?!

Bev is ON IT. She gets stuff done, which is how I knew I wanted to work with her and this podcast would be a reality, and not just an idea we spoke of for several months to a year and maybe got around to doing some research on but it wouldn't come to fruition.

And thus we have Minorities in Publishing (MiP)!

Bev and I recorded our first episode on Tuesday and it's available here on our Tumblr here.

I was a bit late to the game in terms of submitting it to iTunes but once we get the formal approval you'll be able to find it there as well.

In our first episode we discussed our backgrounds in the industry (over 20 years experience!) and reasoning for our podcast as well as what you can expect to hear in future podcasts, specifically interviews with publishing professionals on how publishing can be more inclusive in terms of diversity in publishing. And we do a mini bookclub for Roxane Gay's debut novel An Untamed State from Grove Atlantic.

We hope you'll listen, enjoy, share, chime in, contact us, visit our Tumblr, follow us on Twitter (@minoritiesinpub), and if anything support diversity in the arts and pursue it as a minority and/or advocate!

#ArtistTherapy: Residencies, are they for you?

"I need time and space to get away." I hear you. Believe me. I hear you. I live in one of the most diverse and heavily populated cities in the United States, possibly, the world. I live in a city that is expensive and always, always has something going on. It can be great to know at any point and time you can get aspirin or a soda or have a place to dance, but it can be overwhelming to have so much at your disposal and few dollars to make use of this lifestyle.

At the moment I am in the midst of applying to 12 residencies before the year is done. Three applications are due in September alone and there'll be at least another dozen I'll be applying for next year. For me residencies have been the solace I have craved to be exposed to an environment completely "other" to my life. At a residency I feel like an artist, am surrounded by other artists, sometimes I am fed, sometimes not. But what is most important is I am respected for my need to have distance, quiet, and solitude to get my work done in the amount of time I requested and had been granted.

A friend of mine did her first residency earlier this year and is now hooked. She's pounding out applications like nobody's business and it makes me smile to know that this understanding of how useful and cathartic a residency can be has spread. Yes, since 2008 residency applications have grown a lot with people losing jobs and more word of mouth spreading about these great opportunities. More residencies and fellowships are created and unfortunately others have also closed down due to funding. But there are many artists and many opportunities to get one so don't lose heart. The website ResArtis and Poets & Writers are great resources.

Thus far I've done three residencies over the course of 2 years. I am applying to a dozen because I know the odds are rough and steadily become rougher every year. I am applying to many to improve my odds but also know that should I not get any I won't be someone who sulks and sighs as though that residency was my only chance to get my writing done. It's not. It's a great morale boost and if they offer stipends and free food can be a wonderful way to save money and get your work done, but it is not the end all be all to you being productive.

So, is a residency for you?

If you're not into applications, statements, resumes, portfolio samples, application fees, and so on then perhaps not. What I tell people about the residency application process is that it's like applying to graduate school...every year. Every year around fall and spring I am hunkered down revising, revising, revising and figuring out how to make myself and my passion for writing come through in a page or less. Every year I am rewriting statements to the same residencies and hoping this time they will allow me into the fold. Understand that a rejection from a residency isn't the door closing. I've been waitlisted and gotten in. I've been waitlisted several times over. I've been accepted outright. And I have been flat out rejected as well. But when there's an option on the form for the committee/judges to see that you are still applying that reveals something about your persistence and passion and doesn't look bad at all. Persistence with anything in art is the only way you'll achieve any kind of success.

Are you able to be around other artists? People you may be living with for a long or short duration of time? That's key. You never know what group you'll get but you know that at some point you may have to actually talk to people.

Are you fine with being in the middle of nowhere with sporadic cell phone signal and if anything lackluster wifi? Can you handle no television and, if you don't have a car, being stranded and chauffeured? Can you truly enjoy the quiet and peace and get what you need from this time away?

If all these things are doable and desirable than you should be starting your applications right now. But also keep in mind that not all residency situations may be for you. Perhaps you need a separate studio/living space. Maybe you need to be able to stay a shorter period of time due to work and/or family. There could be the fact that you really are not good at cooking and need food to be provided or that you can't afford to pay a weekly fee. Look carefully at what these residencies/fellowships offer and what you may need. Sometimes it's more trial and error and it's being in an environment that you can understand what is conducive to you getting stuff done.

But again, if you don't get accepted to the first batch you apply to, don't stop applying! Learn from this application and keep applying. Keep revising those statements and portfolios and garnering references (which many places keep on file even if you are rejected initially) and publications/showings. Continue to get your name out there because you never know who may be judging and viewing your work and keeping an eye out for your name later. You don't know if you've made it by a hair or a longshot, you only know if you got in, are waitlisted, or are denied.

And if you need time and space that a residency can't readily provide than make it for yourself. Schedule time away from your life. Go to hotels or motels where you can get the distance you need. Organize retreats with writer friends to be surrounded by a community of people you know and don't have to worry about warming up to new people. Don't use the excuse of not getting a residency to not get work done. A residency is a gift, it's a perk, it's an honor. But to continue your work is your responsibility and you need to figure out how to best continue and complete it.

#LA14SCBWI, L.A., Emerging Voices, and Inspiration

It seems a long time since the Emerging Voices Award was announced (8+ months to be exact). So, while I didn't forget about SCBWI's Summer Conference I was so inundated with life (moving, finishing freelance deadlines, residency applications, more freelance work, unpacking still, and somewhat noisy upstairs neighbors) it's easy to forget that such an honor was bestowed and that the prize was about to come to fruition. A week before the conference Dow Phumiruk and I received an email from the founder of the Emerging Voices Award Sue Ganz-Schmitt about having lunch and we were bowled over. It was getting really real now! I was about to head to a conference I had heard so much about but was a newbie at. How would this all go down? I've been to Book Expo and other more focused and smaller conferences but SCBWI, this was a big deal.

Travels to L.A. were fine but the L.A. traffic was something I experienced firsthand even at 8pm west coast time. From the time I figured out the shuttle situation to getting a shuttle and then getting to my hotel it was about 2 hours. I was tired. Technically it was 3 hours ahead so really 1am and not 10pm even though my watch and the clocks around me said different. I was hungry (airlines don't feed you for 6 hour flights!) and I was hot. Humidity came to L.A. But I got to my hotel and was given a super nice room and then plopped myself down in bed and attempted sleep for a big first day.

Sleep was an enigma while in California. I continued waking up in the middle of the night because my body said "Hey! It's 7am get up!" And my mind said "Shut up body!" Anywho, Friday was the first day, registration day and the schedule was packed from 8:30am to 8:30pm. SCBWI had you covered. Free tea, coffee, and hot cocoa to start. As I went on line Dow ran up to me and we embraced! It was SO good to see a familiar face and to finally see that lovely face in person. Dow and I sat and talked and it was like we'd known each other for years.

Afterwards executive director Lin Oliver started things off. Lin's speeches throughout were light-hearted and warm reminding us that at any stage of your career there'll be struggles and successes and sometimes it seems completely insane that we pursue art when there's no guarantee of monetary compensation or an audience but that we continue to pursue it because we love it and can't live without it. As the days went on many established authors/illustrators would reiterate this to a packed house of over 1200 attendees that "You are not alone" "We're in this together" and "Never give up."

Attendees of the conference have the option to request a manuscript consult (for an additional fee) and intensives on Monday after the main conference has ended (also an additional fee). As winners of the Emerging Voices award Dow and I had these included with our all-expense paid trip. So, you can say I was a teensy bit spoiled going to SCBWI and being able to take advantage of everything offered. Just a tad bit. My manuscript consult would be on the first day and I'd be the first meeting with...Laura Rennert! Don't worry, y'all, I played it cool. Like Fonzie cool. I did not freak out when I learned this. I did internally but my external self was composed.

Laura is Maggie Stiefvater's agent and I love Maggie's work. Laura was also my dream agent when I was making a list of people to submit to. And in meeting Laura and getting her feedback and encouragement I found that she's an amazingly kind and generous person. Her feedback was constructive and incredibly helpful and at no point condescending. She really can see potential in work and point out very specific points to look out for. And the next day when we met again on the coffee/tea line she initiated convo and was quite welcoming. I know us as artists, especially aspiring/emerging ones, look at people in the industry as untouchable but Laura continued to disprove that myth by being very outgoing. Even on panels many said "She's so nice! She seems like she'll fight for her authors." And that's the type of agent you'd want.

Dow and I also got to meet with Sue Ganz-Schmitt who kindly treated us to lunch. And then I introduced her to the French macaron which she loved so I feel my work is done here. Friday included a great panel lead by We Need Diverse Books was on Friday where authors Lamar Giles, Linda Sue Park, Meg Medina, and Sharon Flake, along with agent Adriana Dominguez furthered the discussion of the need for diversity in literature and for attendees to sit and consider what's been said. Afterwards was the PAL signing & wine and cheese mixer where SCBWI members with books can sell them and we can get autographs. Dow and I got a copy of Sue's new book with Chronicle Planet Kindergarten. I adore this book. So cute and a wonderful tale, with illustration that perfectly captures Sue's voice. After that I did yoga that they offer on Friday and Sunday which is a nice time to meditate and get away and exercise. Lori Snyder lead it to some nice jams and afterward I was relaxed and ready for bed.

Saturday proved to be getting things into high gear and I was still on partial sleep. My friend Malaika and I went out for breakfast and she introduced me to The Griddle Cafe. I heard editor Justin Chanda's state of the state of the industry that publishing is here to stay and will continue to go through ebbs and flows and reinventions. Workshops (or talks) take place in the morning after keynotes and in the afternoon with additional chats/keynotes inserted in between to give you time to stretch your legs.

At this point is when I'd suggest taking breaks. Admittedly I missed a couple panels I would've liked to see to hang out with friends I haven't seen in years and that's okay. You can't do it all and sometimes if you do you may find yourself a bit overwhelmed and stifled being in a conference hall for 3-4 days straight. So seeing West Hollywood and Beverly Hills and eateries my friends were dying to show me proved a nice reprieve from the constancy of thinking and talking about the industry and allowed me to attend sessions renewed and wide-eyed and ready to engage with others, especially at the We Need Diverse Books poolside diversity chat where I got to meet Cindy Pon in person!

Saturday evening brought party time with the Poolside Gala that was also Tomie Depaola's 80th Birthday Bash. Unfortunately Tomie couldn't attend because he got sick before the conference but that didn't stop the celebration or well wishes for Tomie whatsoever. I got into the party in time for when people broke it down and also the costume parade that Sue and Dow entered. (Congrats Dow on getting 3rd place for the Leaning Tower of Pisa costume! Handmade by the way.)

Sunday was a day that brought some anticipation because Dow and I would be recognized for the Emerging Voices award at the Golden Kite Luncheon where other published authors were receiving awards for their books in categories of picture book, nonfiction, and fiction, as well as humor.

The main room for keynotes was turned into an awards hall with tables and us being served by waiters in fancy suits. Dow and I got to sit in front in the reserved section with other honorees and would be brought onstage for applause and pictures. We sat with Sue and her husband Martin, but also Lisa Yee, Arthur Levine, Bill Konigsberg and his super cool/friendly husband, and EB Lewis. And we were sitting right next to Judy Blume! Judy Blume was like Meryl Streep where everyone who went on stage gaped at her and said "I love you!" at some point. She's super sweet and friendly too so that basically makes it so much easier to love her.

As awards were announced and other honorees got stood up to receive applause Dow and I heard our names and got a bit verklempt as some would say. My mind was on simply not tripping up the stairs or on cords or anything. Big smile, arms around Dow and Martin for the picture, huge applause, a hug with Sue on stage, down the steps. No tripping! It was surreal and went by quickly but was also a moment Dow and I realized must be how other literary events feel like when you get honored for your work and people see your face and for a moment, if fleeting, you feel like your work has reached a milestone and you simply have to keep going.

As the honorees went up each said something funny, inspirational, and all-around appreciative of SCBWI and the chance to share their work and find an audience. Afterwards I was approached by two attendees. One an older Black female whose hand I gently took in my own. She shook a bit but had a smile as big as mine as she said "I wanted to make sure and say congratulations. We're counting on you." It's a lot to take in when someone says that to you and you feel the weight and honor of it. My work will always encapsulate diversity, I am an African American and my hometown is one of the biggest mixed salads of culture in the world. I'm honored to be from NYC and it makes sense, to me, that my work will always reflect the diversity of the life I've lived and I want to share that with others. "We're counting on you," even hearing it from one woman means that I understand that my work matters even for one person at one time it matters.

Now, I wasn't going around thinking I was a big deal at all but I was flying high yet also a tad bit bummed because tomorrow I'd be flying home and deal with more jetlag and not being fed on planes and not be in the vicinity of so much encouragement and understanding of other artists. To get congrats from Sharon Flake and Linda Sue Park and Bill Konigsberg's husband and other SCBWI attendees who wanted to know more about my writing was just...wow. So uplifting I can't even tell you.

Monday! Time to pack. Time to do my AM intensive and unfortunately miss the PM one with Maggie (Thanks time zones) and then head home for work in the early morn. Awesome. But first, first ten pages intensive with Kelly Sonnack!

Funny enough when I came in the lady taking the tickets proclaimed "You won that award!"  to faces turning around to face me. Wow, slight celeb status. Thanks. :-) Kelly started off the intensive reading the first page of several books she'd recommend in YA, MG, and picture book genres for us to get a sense of how to take hold. She broke down what we as writers should be seeking to do in these first pages to hook not only an agent but readers. After about 30 or 40 minutes she allowed us to read the first page or more of our work and have us all give immediate feedback. Me not being shy I raised my hand first to read from a new YA suspense I'm working on. I read the first page and got very intrigued questions and was told by Kelly I hit all the points for the most part and could rejigger a couple things but that she (and everyone in the intensive agreed) would continue to read after the first page and a half. I even got an applause. Such a nice way to leave SCBWI.

And that "sums" up my trip (Yeah, in 2000 words so far but it was 4 days!). I am so grateful to Sue and Martin for creating the Emerging Voices Award and for SCBWI believing in diversity and it's need in more books across the board. I am grateful to Lin Oliver, Sara Ruttenberg, and Kim Turrisi for organizing such a fantastic conference that was well organized and on point. I am grateful for my peers and everyone who said a kind word to me at SCBWI and for Pam, Marquita, Dow, Malaika, Susan, and Erica to see them at SCBWI and LA and to remind myself how much I am surrounded by talent and kindness and how excited I am for our journeys as artists and to share our stories with others. So, I hope to go back to SCBWI next year and maybe every year after that. I'd encourage you to become a member of this wonderfully open society and to take your work seriously and know that even though you may be creating alone that you are definitely not.

#ArtistTherapy: Filling a Niche & Expectation

"I create [insert material/genre], but I'm expected to create this..." A few weeks ago, I sat down to catch up with a musician/composer friend I met at a writers conference a few years back. During our chat, both of us being female, African American artists, expectation of what we create arose. My friend is a tremendously talented singer & songwriter and she is writing songs that would fit more in the "folk" realm. But, sadly, being African American this is not what is "expected" of her. Just like I get stares when I tell people my favorite genre of music is "alternative" or "rock." The expectation is that I "should" presumably enjoy hip hop, rap or R&B primarily.

My writing doesn't always deal with race. Not every story, essay, article, or blog post will specifically and indefinitely refer to the "struggle" of people of color. But that isn't to say that my work will never reference it either. If racism, sexism, or any -ism is relevant to the larger story I want to tell, you bet your a** it will appear and hopefully enlighten and entertain.

There's been and will continue to be discussion on the race issue. And perhaps this is the post that finally brings this to light. I have friends struggling selling pieces because the race issue isn't pertinent enough or because it makes those of other races feel "guilty" or because it brings up a history that people already "know" about but can't truly comprehend in this digital age. There's a struggle to create what you want to create because there are gatekeepers with expectations that your work should be "more" this or "less" that and it may not at all fit in with your perception or overall vision for the work.

The stories I am working on about an interracial family do not all stem from racism. For some characters it is a very real aspect of their day to day having grown up before and during the Civil Rights movement. For other characters it's more about identity which may be attributed to race but is not the sole proponent. For some pieces its all about familial relationships, strained and suffering. For some it's about romantic ones. But in the end, for me, not every piece I write will be filled with characters that are stereotypically this or going through a constant "struggle" of being a particular race. I want to create people who are real, living beings and not seen as other but seen as like. And it is in this vain that it can be hard to stay true to your art when the niche to be filled is something that's been done and has proven profitable, something that is assumed, something that is not at all like what you planned your piece to be but the expectation of what a specific group of peoples life is like.

For my friend it's been hard for her to break out when she's not pop, she's folk, she's voice and guitar and minimal. Yet the expectation & what is popular is that she should be Rihanna or Nikki Minaj or whomever is the flavor of the month and will sell. These artists and what they create is not her. And she emphasized this to me. She is not overly aware of her Blackness, but believe me we are aware. And perhaps because of this day and age we do not have it in us to speak to that specificity at this particular time and want to speak more to the point of being someone who has been heartbroken, insecure, distracted, not where they thought they'd be, scared, in love, and so on. These universal ties that can bring us closer to others across the board would be more helpful than ever pigeonholing ourselves over expectations. People are tired of books about homosexuals coming out but what about ones about homosexuals living life? What about books of ethnic characters being superheroes? What about music by the likes of POD a Latino band playing Christian/Hard rock? What about not fitting into a niche and creating one that fits you?

It all comes back to the whole idea of persistence, and also the larger scope of there being a demand. But you have to create to fill a demand that isn't even there. So make what you love. Make what fits in with who you are. And forget what others are creating or what the expectation is. It's about being true to yourself and your art at the end of the day because you are the sole representative for it in whatever form it comes in.